One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
