Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
