hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
