My liver just broke up with me...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i now understand why vodka
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
