I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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