Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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