so that wasnt chicken after all
I cockslap morals
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize