Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
did you just send me my own nude
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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