I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
