No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
