I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
