pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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