i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
