what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We had sex on a dog bed..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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