I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
