yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
