This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
