One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
