they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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