DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
