I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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