Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
