you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
