pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
