Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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