You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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