I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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