dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This house was built for laser tag.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
