Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
