Don't make out with my wife yet
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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