I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
