her vagine was all disorganized.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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