Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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