I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
