At least make sure they are 18
Why
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
