I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
