I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
