And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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