At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm going to jail i love you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
