I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
