I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
