Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sarcasm needs its own font
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
