i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
