I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
