Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
