What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
