in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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