It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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