how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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