but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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