i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
