I wanna bring you to show and tell
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
