I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
