somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
