I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
