take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
