stop calling my apartment porn island.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
