i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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