I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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