you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
