Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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