No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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