you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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