What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
