I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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