I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
