We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
