you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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