Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize