I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Damn victory sex feels great
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
